Manic- The After Math

It has nothing to do with my post, but I love it like no ones business

 

So I came down from my episode sometime last night. It was an odd experience just because I’m usually angry all the time when manic and not happy.

I have to speak with my doctor on Thursday about what happened, but I should be okay. Worst is a change in meds. I know I posted, which is funny because I wrote it the night before but the computer crashed. I went to my therapy appointment to take which surprised my J, my therapist as most people avoid their doctors because being manic is so fun and great. It was wonderful and a bit terrifying on some level. It felt like a crime to feel that good. I ended up bailing out of a class because I couldn’t sit still.

Part of the fear was that it might never end or I would go into a deep depression. It is usually what is supposed to happen, but J said I should be fine. Time will tell.

I also wanted to share with what I wrote when I was manic in class just to give you an idea what it was like when I was up:

I can’t sit still. I feel like I’m going to jump out of my own skin. How am I going to last til 6:45? I have no idea. I’m feel like I want to climb the walls. I want to write but I’ve got nothing in my head and everything in my head. I feel like I’m going to explode.

This is the first manic episode were I have had a positive experience. I’m honestly enjoying it, which I don’t think is a good thing.

Usually When I have a manic episode, I’m a complete dick. I’m mean, and I know it, I just say things before I have a chance to control what comes out of my mouth.

I have never felt like this before. I know it isn’t a good thing, that I’m going to end up more meds and lose this feeling. It’s a bummer but I know its better for me. I’m coming down now, but it is what it is.

~Skadi