I've been living backwards

So I have a new schedule at work, were I am completely living backwards. In at midnight or 4 am out before ten, it just hard to be awake or really live a real life. So I have been doing a lot of sleeping, playing the sims medieval and most of the time just sitting on my butt watching YouTube videos.

Still unmediated, but that is almost completely fixed, in the form of medcaid. I just got of the information for it on Friday and getting ready to lay out everything on going on my life, and not sure how that is going to go down.

And School is happening, and I just don’t have energy. The sad fact that it has taken me almost three days to write this tiny amount of writing. Heck, I filmed a few things for my friend and I’s YouTube channel, but I still have nothing.

So yea, still around. Just lurking at the moment. More later.

-Skadi.

Well, it's been a while

Well, let’s start from the top I guess. I’m 26, and sometimes I wonder if I have really come that far in my recovery. I don’t know that I have come far or at all. There is some times were there is nothing in my head, or things I can’t control that drive me mad with worry. There is not much that I can do. It is just playing with meds and playing with meds. Going to therapy. My life has fallen into a pattern and I just can’t that I can’t control what they are doing.  I’m not sure if I’m getting better or not because I really have no way to measure if I am or not. But it is what it is I guess.

It is in my head the closer I get to my anniversary date as well. I would like to say those thoughts have completely left me, but I don't want to lie to you all. I can't lie. Some days I wish that I had been successful, and I wish that those days were becoming few and farer between, but the truth is that it is about the same. Hopefully it will get better.

I had an interview this morning and I’m starting a new job come Monday. I really don’t know how my life is going to go now, but I suppose it is a start.

I just feel tired all the time tell the truth. But I will try to be more interesting.

Some things are just what they are.

-Skadi

I know I should be working on other things but...

I’m down to two papers, a presentation, and one final. Then I’m done. It is so hard to think I’m that close and that I am going to be done so soon.

This weekend was a whirlwind. First, Friday I went over to my friends and we filmed our new youtube show, Pin Trashed. So Yea, I’m still not going to flat out name peeps in my blog, but I do get called by my name in that. Not a big deal I feel. That was after I worked eight hours, and with the med dose raise, I feel that all I could do was sleep. So while that was fun, the med dose raise has not been.

Saturday was derby, were I drank like crazy and won three pots full of money. That was a blast. And got to spend a lot of time with people, and then we watched the fight. So it all and all was a pretty good day.

Then we went to faire, which, for the most part, was a blast. I forgot my id and card at one of the venders along with a gift for my mom, but hopefully they will mail it to me. And I almost had a panic attack but didn’t. And we were able to get C a new doublet. He has had one for over 15 years and it was time to replace it. He looks great in it but I was trying to get him to buy a kilt. Because I think he looked good in it.

So that is what has been going on for the most part. I will try and do a better update later, but I honestly don’t think I will have the time.

-Skadi