Well, it's been a while

Well, let’s start from the top I guess. I’m 26, and sometimes I wonder if I have really come that far in my recovery. I don’t know that I have come far or at all. There is some times were there is nothing in my head, or things I can’t control that drive me mad with worry. There is not much that I can do. It is just playing with meds and playing with meds. Going to therapy. My life has fallen into a pattern and I just can’t that I can’t control what they are doing.  I’m not sure if I’m getting better or not because I really have no way to measure if I am or not. But it is what it is I guess.

It is in my head the closer I get to my anniversary date as well. I would like to say those thoughts have completely left me, but I don't want to lie to you all. I can't lie. Some days I wish that I had been successful, and I wish that those days were becoming few and farer between, but the truth is that it is about the same. Hopefully it will get better.

I had an interview this morning and I’m starting a new job come Monday. I really don’t know how my life is going to go now, but I suppose it is a start.

I just feel tired all the time tell the truth. But I will try to be more interesting.

Some things are just what they are.

-Skadi

A small update- Sorry I’m not interesting this week

This Week is spring break. I haven’t been doing much, working on school work and trying to get ready for what I’m going to do afterwards.

There is another nagging thought in my mind, which is about the anniversary of my attempt. It’s a few months away, but it’s still in my mind.

Mostly because I don’t know how healed I really am. That is a strange thought to me,  I’ve been working on myself, reclaiming my life, but I wonder at the speed I’m doing it in. Some days feel better than others and some feel like I’m never getting better.

I’ve stopped writing fiction. It’s been months, but I have no desire to write. I don’t know what is causing this, but I think it has something to do with my meds. IT’s a bummer but I hope its something that will pass.

But that is all I really got for today, unless one wants to hear me talk about ink master. Which all I have to say is that if I was Kyle, I would have packed my shit and left when Jay came back saying that to me. It is clear that he is not going to get a far shot. Which is bullshit being that Tattoo Baby was in the fucking bottom the whole time and they didn’t give her half as much shit that they have him.

-Skadi