I was bored the other day and feeling lumpy, so I looked up a few bipolar memes just to see what would make me giggle. Here are some of the big gems:
Lived this. Still some days wonder about it.
When I was hospitalized, I went in on a Thursday night, and spend the weekend into that Monday. The first really night I was there and with the unit I spent 90% of time in, was Friday. Now the thing to understand about the hospital is that weekends have a lot less group therapy times and a lot less programs to go through, So there is more free time, so they do movie nights Friday and Saturday. (We managed to weaseled a third one Sunday because everyone was okay with us having one during a free time.) Anyways, I ended up watching Sliver Linings Playbook, which we ended up spending the rest of the time quoting and joking around with. Now I want you all to remember how that movie starts, for those who seen it. They show a Bipolar hiding not taking his medication in the first five minutes. Maybe not something people in a mental unit should be watching. Just saying.
Lamictal is on of the meds I'm on. One of its side effects is a deadly rash. Because it isn't like I have enough problems.
Did I mention that I get stress rashes sometimes? Yea, its an adventure, my life.
Just another giggle one.
This is what Prozac did for me. I couldn't really eat the first few weeks on it, then I was put on lamictal and it was EAT ALL THE THINGS!
I know people mean well when they say things like this. But this is something that I think about when these conversations start. That they have never seen my rage that is related to my bipolar. When people come over to our house that are my moms friends, I will admit, I tend to stay away. Just because it is hard to control my impulses sometimes, and I don't want to upset anyone. And sometimes I just can't handle people. This happens with my own friends too. Like yesterday, I had a panic attack before my parent's party, and had to take my Calm the shit down med. (It is a take as need med, thank god, because when I take it I pass the fuck out.) I missed 90 % of that party. Because of a med, because if I didn't take it, I would have been worse. I really don't want to turn this into a med rant, but there is a very double edge sword with meds. The meds that keep me stable, cause anxiety, and cause me to have panic attacks more often. And because I really am in the stage were we are still playing with my meds, weird shit does happen.
I have said horrible things, like the time I told my mother that she should have had that abortion when she had the chance. I said that. To my Mother. To someone who loves me. Who would do anything for me. Who has spent tons of money to help me get control over my illness. Who dealt with my rages as a kid. And you want to know what we were fighting over? Dishes. We were fighting over the fact I haven't done the dishes. And that is the tip of the iceberg.
I know mental illness is hard to understand. That we as humans have a hard time understanding what a sickness is, when we can't see it. but the fact of the matter is I am sick. My brain sometimes over rides my thoughts with different things. Sometimes I react to things because I get triggered and I can't handle things. It is like a something takes over my thoughts.
So, in short, if you know me in real life, and I'm out in about when you are over, its because I'm comfortable with you.
Tee hee.
Fuck the guy who said this to me. Fuck him with a rusty rake.
Well, that's a few for now.
~Skadi
